


To Be Okay

by shesthesmoke



Series: To Be [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Gen, I hope that person doesn't mind, Jace Angst, based off of a comment I got on the last one, tw panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-07
Packaged: 2018-12-12 07:10:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11732100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shesthesmoke/pseuds/shesthesmoke
Summary: Jace is objectively out of danger but that doesn't mean he's fine





	To Be Okay

**Author's Note:**

> CW: first couple of paragraphs describe a panic attack in detail. Stay safe!

_"Take a nap, Jace"_

He’s trying, damn it, but he can’t pull the sleeves of his sweater down far enough to forget what he saw in the Brocelind Forest. The falcons, the faces, the runes the runes the _runes_. He can’t breathe. He stands up and his legs immediately feel like they’re going to give out. He sits back down. The room is too dark but the lamp is too bright and the walls are too close together but leaving means giving people an explanation and he’s stuck and he’s stuck and he’s stuck and he’s stuck and he’s _stuck_ and he can’t _fucking_ breathe and _is this what dying feels like?_

_You're weak you're weak you're weak you're weak you're weak_ repeats and repeats in his head but it isn't Valentine’s voice anymore, it's his.

He tries to steady himself by pressing his back into the bed frame but then all he can see is himself in a mundane hospital, Alec dying a bed over.

_He's_ _alive_ , Jace reminds himself, _Alec is alive_. It does nothing to steady his racing heartbeat. It doesn't help the fact that whenever he closes his eyes he sees his parabatai dead.

Someone is banging on the door but Jace can't bring himself to stand up.

“Jace, are you in here?” Alec calls.

“Yeah.” Jace croaks. Alec walks in and immediately sits down next to Jace, leaning against the bed. Jace puts his head on Alec’s shoulder and takes in a shaky breath.

“No one expects you to be fine, Jace,” Alec whispers. They just want you to be okay, he doesn't add.

“What I saw, Alec…” Jace’s voice breaks, “I see it every night. It doesn't stop. It never stops.” His breathing is labored.

“Jace, you can talk to people about this, you know.”

“I don't want their pity,” Jace spits.

“By the angel, Jace,” Alec snaps, “Heaven forbid anyone finds out that you're a person and not a machine.”

Jace clenches his jaw. “Get out of my room,” He whispers. Alec gets up before Jace can change his mind.

_Now you're really alone._

Alec stops in the doorway. “Why?”

Jace looks at him. “What?” He rasps.

“If you can tell me why you want to be alone right now, I’ll leave you alone.” Alec says calmly. Jace says nothing.

Finally, “I don’t want to drag anyone down with me.” Alec sits back down next to Jace as he starts to sob. “I know I shouldn’t think like that, but…”

“Jace, I’m here for you. Literally everyone in this Institute is here for you. You know that,” Alec whispers. Jace nods. “Do you still want me to leave?” Jace nods.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Shoutout to the person who commented on my last fic because the original idea i had was not going to work out.
> 
> I have another fic planned out but whether or not it gets written and posted depends entirely on whether season 2 ends the way I think it will (in other words, how CoG ended) but whatever I write will be Jace-centric and angsty. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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